steve urkel pick up lines
Steve Urkel: Is there anything I can do for you while I'm down here waiting? Laura Lee Winslow: What you did for me tonight was really special. Carl Otis Winslow: You look horrible. Dad took Waldo instead of me. Harriette Winslow: Now let's hit the sack. Steven Quincy Urkel (generally known as Steve Urkel or just simply Urkel) is a fictional character on the ABC/CBS sitcom, Family Matters, who was portrayed by Jaleel White. Steve Urkel: Oh, Gosh golly, Jeepers Creepers. I'm telling you straight out, I hate this. Ms. Steuben: But here you are. Laura Lee Winslow: One of them is my best friend. Steve Urkel: Oh, I'd better lock it then! Inside this scrawny chest, there beats a heart. If you hit me, do I not sneeze? It meant a lot to me. Carl: [after kicking Steve out of the house] And don't you ever come back! Carl Otis Winslow: Oh gee that'd scare me. Harriette Winslow: Mother Winslow, take all the toddlers up to your room. Now you're going to find out what it's like to be Steve Urkel. Carl: You know, the only thing worse than not catching any fish is hearing you sing about it. Carl: Rachel, you're putting entirely too much filling in those. You have the right to have an attorney present. And, he's got something that he didn't have before. Myra Monkhouse: Eddie, Waldo? Steve, what happened? I felt like I was one with the Bee-Oh-Sphere. Carl: 3, 2, 1 1, 2, 3 What the heck is bothering me? Steve Urkel: Hi Laura, my little sweet potata! Did you think of me while you guys were camping? [Eddie has just realized his mistake in standing his father for the chance to go out on his date with a girl that he likes]. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I prefer to call it sharing. I'm getting dizzy. I got a nosebleed at birth. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No. OGD now knows the police aren't enemies]. It's not fair. Once, I found them in Milwaukee living under an assumed name! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well now that depends, how nice of a Christmas gift do you want. Stefan Urkelle: Go home, go home, GO HOME! From now on, no parties and no TV. Laura: Steve, I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd tutor Todd. Harriette Winslow: Mr. Niedermeyer, the only thing that's gonna go by is you. Trying to cover it up would only make it worse. Harriette: What's goin' on down here and why do I smell cinnamon flavored smoke? Harriette Winslow: Laura, did somebody do something to you? Laura Lee Winslow: [Yelling at Judy who's trying to shove her plate in front of Eddie dishing food] Can you wait? I can't live like this. Lt.Murtaugh: Do you know that woman Winslow? All these people think the party is tonight. Your eyes are like the ocean; I could swim in them all day. Steve began working on more elaborate inventions, and in "Little Big Guy" he had a new idea. Oh, I see. Harriette: Yep, they were yelling at each other and bumping bellies. Stefan Urquelle. Ms. Steuben: [after seeing Waldo's assignment] Waldo, this is superior work. That wasn't a rock video. Steve Urkel: Why, sure! Rachel Crawford: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! When the door opens Carl appears dessed up as Steve normally dresses with his glasses]. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: He must've been dangerous. Harriette Winslow: Carl Winslow, this is the most insensitive, unromantic gift I have ever received. The black kids won't talk to the white kids, people are calling each other names, taking sides! What are you doing with these bells? My, what strong arms. Some Sorry looking roses that are 3 hours away from potpourri. Laura: Sure. Laura Lee Winslow: Oh you're not a sorority, you're a bunch of vicious, stuck up barracudas with teased hair and push up bras. Steve Urkel: I have a lot of personal experience in first aid. Carl: What? Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: [Unstraps his gloves] Sir, not only have you harrassed and insulted me, but you have sullied the reputation of my lady love. Carl's first word was Donut. Harriette you're the one who said you're fat. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to a sorority girl] That dress is so tight! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? Urkelbot: [sneaks up behind the robber and surprises him] Freeze! Willie Fuffner: I'm gonna trash Urkel's locker. [Carl steps in the chamber and Stefan starts it up]. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I'll bet that's what the bug was thinking, too! Harriette Winslow: [grabbing Carl's hair] Carl [Takes her hand away, looking at it before placing it on top of his head instead]. I was not abrasive. How did you know? Waldo Faldo: Be careful he has another one. Did I do that? Steve Urkel: Well, that may be what happened, but it won't be what the people believe. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Willie Makeit? Mondo do du chok! And him. Think of the possibilities.". Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Myra, your mother told me you came here, so I assumed you're becoming a nun. And I know that baseball card meant a lot to you. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Waldo! We've got cheerleaders taller than him. Ms. Steuben: No, I'm a nervous teacher! Rachel Crawford: Good. Rachel Crawford: How 'bout double the usual? Harriette: [still unsympathetic towards Eddie's selfishess] Fair? Wha? So, what's cookin', good lookin'? Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: You all right, Mr.W, [he teaches Carl how to handshake in his neighborhood. These kids are gonna ruin everything, they have to go. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh nothing, never mind! I'm getting penalized because I'm emotionally stable! Oh, gentle Romeo, if thou doth love, pronounce it faithfully. Carl enters her room with Eddie, who is struggling to stifle his laughter.]. No. You think she'll really kiss Steve? Becky Sue: Oh, we couldn't do that. Laura Lee Winslow: Nope, this is Black History Month. Lady in Strip Club: Shut up and shake your booty! That's one for the books! Laura Lee Winslow: It was just a little practical joke. He created a machine that could cause items to grow in size. Myra Monkhouse: Um, one plus one equals fun? Eddie: Name's Eddie Winslow, but my friends call me Eddie. Rachel Crawford: Maybe you could come back when your voice has changed. With Squeeze I'm not safe nowhere. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura this elixir will improve my coordination, my posture, my vocal intonation, and I might even sprout a chest hair or two. No Traffic. If all you ever look for is the float with Miss America on it, then the whole parade is going to pass you by. Steve Urkel: [panicked] um perhaps you mean "biosphere"? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Waldo heads into the kitchen as Steve emerges] You o.k., Eddo? Not when it's swirling around a porcelain tank. Steve Urkel: Well, actually, this is Eddie's story. Ken: You make me wanna puke! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well, what are you waiting for? Wha? I mean, I'm a fast runner, Eddie, but sooner or later, you just gotta stop running. Waldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: The refrigerator. Harriette Winslow: Abrasive? You ever been down to the slaughterhouse? ", Harriette Winslow: She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and she said "Why, Mom?". Harriette Winslow: Carl was nice enough to invite you into his game and you've been acting like a jackass. So, is it all right with you? Carl Otis Winslow: [More excitedly] Yes, ma'am! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: It was Jan Matzeliger, in 1883. Laura Lee Winslow: Aunt Rachel, take little Richie, the Murphy twins are giving each other haircuts in the backyard! Larry Csonka: Yes, spread the word. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll have you know, I'm not in Italy. Bushwhacker Luke: 'Cause they couldn't catch her till then! Laura Lee Winslow: No surprise visits from Steve Urkel. There's room for you and there's room for me although let's be quite honest, you take up a lot more room than me. Come here. Laura: Is it my imagination or is your voice lower? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh honey, I hope they don't cheer too hard. Laura Lee Winslow: [in tears] Daddy, everything's a mess! There's a lot of bad pickup lines out there. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No, I *am* a serious little nerd. Played by Jaleel White, Urkel joined "Family Matters" at the end of its first season, which one of his castmates says was a production decision that changed everything. Oh, yes it is! aries: "You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied. "If I were a stop light I'd turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.". Then we par-tay, see no problem. Take out the trash Edward, "Tomorrow Dad!" Carl: Who are you and what have you done with our son? Self respect. Harriette: Better add zucchini to that shopping list. The lovestruck genius of Steve Urkel. 6. I'm being rejected in my own fantasy. It was your free safety. You're standing on my finger! Laura Lee Winslow: Tonight is the charity bachelor auction. While he was starring in "Family Matters" as Steve Urkel, White also began a side hustle as another staple of the era's popular culture . Laura Lee Winslow: How fast are we going now? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well hold on there big guy, listen to this. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll show him. Stefan Urkelle: Where did you learn all that? [Steve thinks Rachel is in love with him, but she is really in love with another man named Steve]. Ms. Steuben: Yeah, well Steven, you're not taking Home Ec. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Uh no, Waldo, state your name. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh really, why wasn't I told? Steve Urkel: I've never tried out for athletics before and the equipment list says that every guy should wear a cup. He finished his Christmas shopping weeks ago and never asked me for a penny. Carl: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! Laura: Well, Steve, I've been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. [Goes to feel his head]. Let's call it recycling. [Faces Eddie] Look at him, charming, handsome, popular. You need to get out more. Harriette Winslow: Before you stormed out of the house, I forgot to mention to you that I called OGD's Grandmother back in Detroit. Harriette: [sobbing] Clint is driving off and Meryl will never see him again! "What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? Hey, what were you doing in my closet? Steve Urkel: How tough am I? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Well I for one am appalled. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What the heck is wrong with you? Steve Urkel: I've taken a vow of chastity. I'm starved. It's not funny, it's dangerous. Pretty girl, dark hair your sister for God's sake! What do you have to say for yourselves? Can you imagine that? Steve Urkel: Your Honor, I would like to call Waldo Faldo! Alex Phillips: How 'bout you put your money where your mouth is. She just slipped and I caught her. Eddie: Did Halle Berry return my phone call? Stefan Urkelle: Wake me, shake me, break me, but baby, don't forsake me. Web. All the pins look like Laura! Steve Urkel: [thinking he's playing hide and seek with Laura, Eddie, & Judy and a shower starts running] That shower running doesn't fool me Laura! There is no Steve here. Laura Lee Winslow: [Urkel voice] Seasons Greetings, Winslows! Anywhere away from my Laura. There's no one I wanna say no to more than you. Laura: Well, that's because you have self-confidence. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wrong, cummerbund breath. Steve Urkel: No, but it was moving kinda fast. Carl Otis Winslow: Well Harriette, what are those people teaching down at that school? There's lots of reasons why I don't love you. Wa chee! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, cash is so impersonal. Poor Laura has worked so hard and now she has to drop out of the race. Steve Urkel: Yeah, and then if you sneeze why, your entire head explodes like a cherry bomb in a cantaloupe. You're late for class. [Eddie leaves and Carl puts the chair away] Well that took care of everything. You know, I was exposed to this sort of thing when I was growing up, but I always hoped it would be different for my kids. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. It's late. Empty the cash register! The truth is you deserve a kiss. Laura: Well, then not even in your dreams. Stefan Urkelle: Well, it could be a few days, or weeks, or [Steve voice] any minute now! Come here, let me give you some sugar. Is that the problem? Every time I ask her about it, she just cries and takes another Rolaid. Steve Urkel: Why, sure! Cassie Lynn: All's fair in love and politics. Lt. Murtaugh: They're sending in that Urkel kid. No more chimes. Steve Urkel: [shows up in the living room with his flowers from the cemetery] Hi Laura, these are for you. Carl Otis Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Edward. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Don't you worry, I'll work on him. Don't mess with Mrs.Bonecrusher! Laura: Not when the bomb is in the basement with you! Harriette Winslow: Did I embarrass you, Carl? Curtis Williams: I'm Curtis Williams. Carl Otis Winslow: [packing up the camping gear] Boy that was great, a family weekend in the wilderness. Five hundred on the line. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, cool. Steve Urkel: [Talking to Eddie and his girlfriend] You heard her, you're all witnesses. He heads downstairs to confront Steve]. Ty: Actually I haven't got my wings yet and I play the keyboard. Harriette Winslow: Carl, those are my personal and private thoughts. Well, name a couple. And we practiced for six minutes! [strikes a pose] Laura? Carl Otis Winslow: I know. I'm playing Boyd double or nothing. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Steve, how did you get so good at checkers? Steve Urkel: [Climbs over the balcony and falls] Oh! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Yeah, I went to sleep and Stevil made a guest appearance. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Seymour Butts? Waldo: [Monotone while Steve mouths his words with him] Pablo was a kind and gentle creature. Carl Otis Winslow: Better, I locked him up. urkel-steve. Maxine Johnson: Was there a line to get your pictures taken when you guys walked in? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That stinks. [laughs]. 1. Urkel defeats him]. Laura Lee Winslow: [comes in with Mother Winslow's dress from the dry cleaners] Ugh mom, this place is really getting gross. He's half-Nerd, Half-Carl. In fact, they finally introduced me to my grandparents. Harriette Winslow: [Waldo crashes his snowmobile in the Winslows' living room] Waldo? Eddie: I don't believe wat just happened, dad took Waldo to the bulls game. Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah, well. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What? He's gonna drive us tonight. Carl Otis Winslow: March 24th, Raoul's houseboat is beautiful. Eddie: If I don't pull at least a C on my midterm exam, I'm gonna flunk Algebra. Urkel pronouns are the best. Curtis: My whole family is flying out to Washington for the funeral, Laura: Can you wait a day, of course you can't. I'll take this up later with the Lieutenant. The '90s series "Family Matters" may have been about the Chicago-based Winslow family, but the show's breakout character was actually Winslow neighbor Steve Urkel. But I recognized him right away. Rachel Crawford: Harriette, we've got to talk. Carl Otis Winslow: I recognized him right away. [the photographer takes a snap shot of Eddie nerously laughing as Carl drives him away]. It's to another restaurant. "Nubbles Sucks Face with Nerd!". Not name your state. When I said my feelings for you might change, I was lying. Harriette Winslow: And you agree with me? Carl: Rachel, Carl was my great grandfather's name and there is no way that I'm gonna change it. Waldo: Man, they didn't even know who we were. Someday, I'll thank myself for this. Cool. Laura: For the last time, Steve. Why would anybody want to kill her? I was kickin' butt. Steve Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? Carl: I sure hope so because I'm wearing his underwear. [Steve has just fallen off the tree and onto the Coopers' pet Doberman, Damien. Carl: Steve, will you please stop sulking and come out of the bathroom? Waldo: I'm sorry, Steve. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Next Saturday. Could you write that A down on a piece of paper? I've been there a 100 times, but this time was different. Carl: This baby has a remote. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: All the way home, and the next day I cried all the way back to the library. Laura Lee Winslow: Oh lord, you're gonna die. Steve Urkel: I've invented nuclear batteries. Steve Urkel: [runs back into the living room] Sorry Rachel! Why, you might as well drop a boulder on my foot, shove bamboo shoots under my fingernails, or scoop my eyeballs out with a melon baler. 36 Steve Urkel ideas | steve urkel, humor, funny Steve Urkel 36 Pins 11y N Collection by Nadia Hussein Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Funny Quotes Chemistry Humor Nerd Humor Funny Charts When You Cant Sleep Lol Bahaha Clean Humor I Love To Laugh True Stories How To Fall Asleep Funny Jokes All the TIME!!!! I have feelings. You'll never know how much time you'll have together. Laura Lee Winslow: Well that really bugs me. 89. [to self] WOW! [Carl has just gotten wind of Eddie's plans to have a flier party. Family Matters is a comedy that has many serious episodes, something many sitcoms delve into from time to time, but "Good Cop, Bad Cop" is possibly their best offering of drama. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I feel so safe in Raoul's strong arms I love him soo much and I sorta like Carl. I wanna take it home and read it to my mom. I'm here. Steve Urkel: Boyd whipped Eddie. Harriette: Judy, finish your Brussels sprouts. Maxine Johnson: Ooh Laura, you look good. I promised grandma I'd help her get ready. Then, I drove you here in *my* car, and were you pleasant company? Steve Urkel: Yes! It was my nickname in preschool! My doctor slapped the wrong end. 8. Harriette: Soon, baby. Carl: Maybe I should laugh a little bit more, huh? Steve Urkel: Well, Laura, do you realize what you're asking? Now, I may have taken a sip of my mom's coffee, but I Chain: I'm talkin' about the other kind of wired! Steve Urkel: Well, ya see, we had a little muffin mayhem. And believe you me, I know what being different is all about. Steve Urkel: [sobbing] No, it's Myra, her cold got worse. Eddie: I meant, I haven't seen her today. Steve Urkel: Uh no. I almost went to the movies with Vicky Vanderfanny. Check it out: Urkelbot: [Dirty Harry Impression] Go ahead, punk! Get down from there! I'm a person, and I have feelings, and I demand to be treated with respect and dignity! Steve Urkel: Oh, I am so glad you said that! Stefan Urquelle: Steve, what's up with your cousin? Because, I already told him I do remember him. He's fanning his hace with a plate as Eddie walks in]. Dexter Thornhill: [after being found guilty at Urkel's trial] Darn you Urkel, Darn you to Heck! Some of our pickup lines are just for laughs. ABC/Warner Bros Remember Steve Urkel? Rachel Crawford: I'm what? I'm sorry, call you next week? This is fantastic! Where do I sign? Harriette Winslow: And you think I'm FAT? Carl Otis Winslow: I'll get that, you must be having a rough day. Wha? So you have to make every minute count. No, you're not invited. Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, that kid is bad news. Do you have any idea how much you changed him?